Part of this blog is going to get me going on an idea I've had for a long time...to make a real complete and captivating story in regards to the life and times of KSSU. I don't plan on this stuff to make it in, but I learned a lot from my experience at the radio station, which would be my first home at Sac State for the 9 semesters I was there. The first installment contains insights into my friendship with Jenkins Hall dormmate, long time buddy and co-host on the Beans and Rice Show, LJ. This is in no way a complete story, but more an excerpt of a section of our lives, and how I feel about them in my current mood. Currently, I am lacking sleep and need protein. Rawr.
It was, of course, LJ's idea to start Beans and Rice. Despite the fact that I, at the time, considered myself the superior mind of the two, because of my grades and ability to build on ideas, I would later reflect and realize that my Filipino friend's ideas were always bigger. Huge. Terrifying. I had always been incredibly risk averse with how I spent my time, while LJ was careless, frivolous: there wasn't a challenge LJ wouldn't take on head first, there wasn't a challenge I couldn't first talk myself out of.
As such, LJ had a penchant to fall flat on his face. With girls, with video games, with Hennessey and poker, while I was comfortable succeeding at those tasks in which I knew I excelled: logic puzzles, literary analysis, stats...you know, the nerdy stuff.
But LJ didn't let his studies consume him, if anything, he raged against the constraints and constantly saught out ways to exploit as much as he could from the coddling environment around a college to create options for "asymmetrical" paths of personal growth. He would learn lessons from experience from those failures, and when he did succeed, it was usually pretty damn glorious.
As an 18 year old high school grad, I didn't see the wisdom in biting off more than you could chew. I was blind by the fear of failure.
So at first, I told LJ it wasn't likely: these guys were music snobs, likely, and wouldn't let us into their cool club. LJ took me to the radio station, where I awaited the Core staff smugly, confident that they wouldn't have space for a new show two weeks into the semester.
The schedule was barely half full. We pretty much had our pick of the litter for a time slot. "Fair warning." They told us. "We have 3000 milliwatts of power to boost our signal."
LJ said, "Whoa. That's a lot."
I responded. "Dude. That's 3 watts of power."
"Is that a lot?"
"Let me put it in perspective." I paced, as I often did when I was being a condescending 18 year old English major brat. I paced an awful lot in those days. "You see that light bulb right there?"
"Yeah?"
"That's a sixty watt light bulb."
"Oh."
"That light bulb? It pushes twenty times more power than the signal."
"Oh."
"That means if the station's antenna was planted on my head, half the time, on a cloudless day, you could pick up its signal on my dick."
"That's gross! I'd never do that."
"But your mom would."
"Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou."
"I know! She did last night."
And we continued insulting each other back to the dorms...but not before stopping to agree to doing the show. Of course, hearing how dirty our mouths were, Caitlin Caso, Assistant Manager under David Wilbur, made sure to schedule us for an 8PM-10PM slot on Friday nights. No administrators would hang around after 5PM any day of the week, let alone a Friday night. KSSU was protected, and they got a 2 hour slot filled.
It was perfect. LJ would have the freedom to do whatever the heck is mind led him to, and I couldn't risk failing: I could say whatever I want and, even if we sucked, there was no failing...The Beans and Rice Show was gonna be the tree falling in the forest, and inside its hallowed out trunk, LJ and I would be having a verbal dance party.
But LJ...LJ always had big ideas. And I loved building on ideas.
So it started modestly, two kids saying things they probably shouldn't on the radio, prank calling dorm rooms, though mostly their friends, and remarking on people, politics and pop culture in the most irreverent, meaningless and hurtful ways possible. When that got old, which it did for LJ quite often, he'd leave the show for...what...10, 20 minutes at a time? until he pulled a girl or two from the Union into the show to get, for lack of a better term, harassed. Luckily, I helped these poor strangers pick on LJ, who always made himself an easy target for insult, so that we never got sued for him essentially trying to corner girls into giving him dates on the air.
It was funny. Sure. But you'd be surprised how many dates LJ got out of that...or that same balls out mentality in another sphere. He was willing to play a numbers game in those days: ask out damn near anyone, embarrassing himself to no end, yes, sometimes, but it's hard for a young girl to deny someone who's willing to throw themselves into total vulnerability just for the chance to buy them lunch. In that way, there were always girls for LJ, despite the fact that he was loud, and had a penchant for farting and burping...and they were never pretty. I remember clearly the day 500 people were eating in the Dining Commons when an LJ burp silenced all other noise, and 998 pairs of eyes glanced at him in shock, horror, and awe. He once farted in his dorm room and, 100 feet down the hall, I had to close my door and open my window.
On-air in the KSSU studio, his fart made me gag so bad I had to evacuate the building for five minutes. They really are the things of legend...I hope Kayla has a deadened nose, or has subdued his eating habits.
Yes, so lots of embarrassing stories about LJ aside,he was really willing to put himself out there...and it wasn't just admirable to the cowardly young me, but it was contagious.
In high school, I had remade myself into a very public figure. I had been a brooding child, but by 8th grade, I wanted everyone to know my name. I was sophomore class President at Oyster River, the ham at every prep rally there, and later, Folsom High School, where the Student Body made me their P.R.C. mid-way through my senior year. I cheered at every basketball game I could make, I hosted Karaoke Fridays (where, climbing off the stage, I famously mooned people. At least once a week,) and ran the pep rallies I had once run amuck. The Senior class even elected me Prom King, thus proving that Folsom, being of a Democratic state, had no clue as to how to contextualize the word "royalty" into a modern setting. Pomp, circumstance, and austerity are three words that have never adequately defined me...but bless em anyways.
In college, at Sac State, though, I had come in just wanting to find some good friends in the dorms and disappear from radar. LJ. Though. Was contagious.
It started with the "Rally to Raise Student Fees." It was a parody idea he had, which I vigorously expanded on. We had Zhuo and Ken dress up in Beans and Rice Street Team Jerseys (Which consisted of plain white Tees with duct tape letters spelling "Beans and Rice" on the front, and their radio handles on the back,) we had a sign up sheet, multiple rally-esque chants, and tag lines to get people to buy into the fact that Sac State would remain a crappy school unless we made students pay more so that: 1.) We could get more and better teachers, 2.) Make sure less people could afford it so we could have smaller class sizes and 3.) Because we might get a sweet swimming pool, and girls in bikinis are HAWT.
Who knew the administration was listening, and would develop the WREC (now WELL center) after I had graduated.
But yeah, obviously it was satire, and only three people signed up for the petition because they felt bad for us...of course, despite our lack of a signal, one of the signees managed to turn on KSSU by Lassen, where the antenna was, and heard his name broadcasted. He freaked out, came to the station, threatened to sue us on and off the air, and, in general, made for some CLASSIC radio..as well as a very worried and annoyed Caitlin Caso. I still remember the guy's name, but I omit it here so I won't be sued. I is po'.
But this turned out to be the gateway drug: LJ had a taste of accomplishment, so he wanted more. LJ found a way to record our shows, to do live broadcasts on the internet years before KSSU had the tools to do it for every show through some sort of freeware he found/maybe pirated, and somehow managed to get an on-phone interview with Import model and Playboy bunny Kaila Yu. Of course, as shock jocks, we DIDN'T ask about her boobs like everyone expected: we asked her questions that displayed her well rounded intellect and made us seem like pansies. Our friends and listeners (now many more than 3 watts worth internationally...maybe, like, 15) all made fun of us, said we'd lost our spine at the voice of a pretty girl...but always with us, it was about controversy, even if it was the controversy of a lack of controversy.
Of course, that's because under the subtext of controversy, it was always about us.
Luckily, it worked for us. Mostly. No one we knew in Jenkins Hall was quite as self-obsessed as we were. LJ on being a man, on getting girls, on doing whatever he wanted when he wanted and living his way, and me on holding myself as smart, friendly, smart, dependable, and smart. We were glad to enable each other, and pick on each others' insecurities enough in a harmless enough way that it made us look strong and self-assured. We enabled the most willful parts of us, which, always, are the most vulnerable parts.
It didn't always work, and couldn't have always worked in our favor. LJ would get burned by girls and fall into poor moods. I'd obsess about how other people viewed me, and kinda collapse. LJ became a hermit in his apartment for a while, after he had moved out of the dorms. I dropped out of school for a semester and infamously worked graveyard at a gas station for five months before crawling back to the ivory tower.
I think, in those absences, LJ and I truly found at rock bottom the ground from which we could build real people. LJ would separate himself from girls, for a time, and spend time with his Madden, Halo, and other decompressing activities where he could chill and reflect. I found out that there were people with way bigger problems than me, and most of them let their experiences turn them into total assholes on weekend nights when they were filled with liquor and looking for a fight. I, decisively, knew I didn't want to be a part of this world...which meant I had to, some extent, real take care of myself.
It wasn't JUST LJ and the radio show that led to the anagnorisis, but our constant desire to push each other, and ourselves through each other, was what allowed us to grow. And because he always had his avenues that I'd never cross, and myself ones he'd never ave an interest in, we continued to travel similar amplitudes on different wavelengths, and in the symmetry we built a strong friendship.
LJ, now, is engaged to a fantastic girl (HI KAYLA!) has a job where he works his butt off and makes damn good money, owns his own home, and frankly, is kicking ass. He got it, mainly, by always pushing forward, taking chances in seeking promotions, and, in general, biting off more than he could chew. As usual, I think I'm kicking ass in similar ways, but in totally different avenues. If I ever wanted the life he's got...the girl, the house, the career...I'd have a hella good blueprint to follow.
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